Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in drunkenjane's LiveJournal:

Sunday, July 29th, 2007
9:12 am	I ordered a man off of the internet last night So, I have been posted on and threatening to join a whole mess of online dating websites over the last, I don't know, 6 months?  Thus far, I've managed to avoid actually paying for any of these services, mostly because I prefer to spend my money on cigarettes and iced coffee drinks.  Some of them allow you to reply to people if they have messaged you first.  Others are evil and will only tell you that *someone* emailed you, but you can't even see who the hell it is without paying (match, I'm looking in your direction).  Judging by the quality of the gentlemen who generally message me, it isn't worth $34.95 to me to find out some retired frat boy (age 35) is looking for a woman (22-25) who wears high heels because it proves that she cares about herself and, by extension, him.  Yeah, I didn't make that one up. Anyway, this one dude kept showing up on all of these sites as one of my 'matches.'  They email me lists of men, with pictures, and tell me why I might love them.  Agoraphobic dating for dummies.  I had seen a few versions of his profile and I decided that my Friday afternoon mission would be to locate him using information gleaned from those profiles.  It's possible that I have been taking too much time off of work recently.  I'm not going to go into all the wonderful things we have in common, the most important of which is that he, like me, is obviously not a first-date axe murderer.  Anyway, the long story short version is that I did find him and I did email him.   Date: Jul 28, 2007 6:18 AM Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ] <input ... > Subject: hey, I'm stalking you Body: I saw you on match, but never subscribed. I saw you on yahoo, but never subscribed. Apparently the possibility of meeting someone is worth less than $24.95 in my world. Anyway, anyone with a quote from Fertility Hollis in the 'who I'd like to meet' section is worth contacting. Stalk me back. It'll make the 5 or 6 minutes I spent locating you on a free site seem less wasted. -Jane Of course, there are pictures and personal info linked to this type of email, so I'm not going to pretend that my wit and charm are what caused all of this to happen.  Anyway, there were a few back-and-forth emails ending with me giving him my phone number and turning off my laptop.  Happily, my phone rang a few minutes later with an unfamiliar number and I was greeted with, "Hello, Jane?  This is *Mark.  From the internet?"  Best opening line ever.  I want to marry this guy just so I am forced to tell future children that that was the first thing their father said to me. So, we went to the movies.  We sat in a coffee shop.   There was pizza involved.  It was a fun night and I'm hoping I'll see him again, but mostly I am just so glad that I live in a world where I can buy a man on amazon.com and get same day delivery. Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
9:38 am	You win this round, Spectrum theater. Let me begin this by saying that I love the Spectrum theater. I absolutely love it. I love when a movie comes out and plays at the Spectrum and then 4 months later it gets nominated for Academy Awards and it's playing at Crossgates and everyone can't wait to see it. Hey Jane, want to go see Lost in Translation with us on Friday? Umm...no. I saw it in October. Because I am better than you. That sort of self-important validation is vital to me. Also, the Spectrum has the second greatest snack bar of any movie theater I have ever been to. They have chocolate satin layer cake. They have carrot cake. They have brownies with chocolate chips. The sodas are reasonably priced. I find it delightful. The reason that it's only the second greatest is because at one point PJ and I drove to Hartford to see Gigantic and that theater had an actual bar. That all being said, the Spectrum has let me down and let me down hard. As you may or may not know, the gay cowboy movie opened on Friday. I may have an unhealthy obsession with this movie, but that's neither here nor there. So, last week I diligently set about checking the showtimes so that I could skip work, doctor's appointments, holiday gatherings, whatever I need to skip in order to see it. It's not playing. I jump ahead a week and showtimes are not available. Ok. I'll wait a few days and check again. So I wait until showtimes for this Friday are posted, sure that last week was simply an oversight and the gay cowboy movie will be the highlight of my weekend, for real this time. Not playing. Thoroughly disgusted, I head to the actual website of the Spectrum theater and my heart starts beating again when I see a synopsis of the gay cowboy movie halfway down the page, until I see the date. January 13th. January 13th?! That is 35 days later than I had any intention of seeing this movie. That's next year, for Christ's sake. I'm pretty sure that this movie was put out on December 9th specifically to help me get through finals week and the damn holidays and I hold the Spectrum fully responsible for fucking up the system. All I wanted to do was watch two guys make out and then go home and write a term paper. I know, I could just go to Lark street. It's just not the same. Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 15th, 2005
5:25 pm	public humiliation, vigilantism, and sweet revenge People are, by and large, a bunch of inconsiderate, self-serving assholes. I am never more aware of this as I am when I am driving. I used to drive at exactly the speed limit, use my turn signals to switch lanes (even when alone on a stretch of road), and feel tremendous guilt about making a left turn if there were people behind me. After all, who am I to theoretically make someone late for work because I like to buy gas from Sunoco? My entire family still makes constant jokes about my old-lady driving. I took a trip to Boston to visit my sister last month and all of my immediate family members made separate jokes about how if I left Friday after work I would arrive sometime Saturday afternoon. What they don't know is that about 2 years ago, I snapped. Driving in Albany is a competitive sport, and often it is kill or be killed. Even though I now tailgate and yell and shake my fist and use my horn a minimum of 10 times a day, there is one aspect of agressive driving I have never been able to get on board with: running red lights. This is a huge problem in this city, especially regarding lights on side streets (i.e. Myrtle, Morris) and in high traffic areas (intersections of Washington and Fuller and Western and Manning, for example). As a fun game, drive around Pine Hills and every time a red light stops you, wait for your side to turn green and then count how many cars go through. Once you get to 25, go get drunk. This exercise should take about 20 minutes. Anyway, anyone who knows me knows that I love to publicly humiliate people who are being inconsiderate assholes. I love calling people on things, whether it is bringing their screaming bastard children to a theater, double parking, or buying 37 highly specific lottery tickets in a gas station at 7:45 when functioning members of society are trying to get coffee and go to work. "But Jane," you may ask, "How can this be applied to people speeding through red lights, endangering the lives of everyone who doesn't know to count to ten after the light turns green or risk certain death?" And I will tell you, little ones, that I have been trying an experimental method of calling these bastards out using my favorite toy: my car horn. Most people, normal people, rarely use their car horns. Due to this, when a person hears a horn they associate it with danger and immediately look toward the sound. Now, this is a city and we do have a police force, corrupt and largely invisible as it may be. My plan is simple. Whenever I see a person running a red light, I lay on my horn until they make it safely through the intersection. In theory, one of the people I startle into looking will be a police officer and the driver will be punished for annoying me by having to pay a fine. Of course, this will also have the unfortunate side effect of saving innocent lives, as it may warn people on the green side of the light of the impending doom, but we'll ignore that for now. Anyway, after weeks of hard work I managed to get someone pulled over today. It was one of those lights on Washington between the University and the hotels, where the speed limit is 45 and everyone drives 60. Now I know how bounty hunters feel. Current Mood: accomplished (1 Comment |Comment on this)